Why these women want to be Tiktoks ‘cool aunt’

Viver a sports car. Hike a fantastic track. Takes a caviar bolt. Browse a massive wave. These are not the employment that most girls are encouraged to hunt as they grow up – and for “Cool Aunt” from TiktokThat’s exactly the point.

Of all the trends that sweep through the app, this has used the joy of self -determination better than anyone else. Set to a Kanye song that is remixed with a trace of Nemzzz, a “Cool Aunt” video (sometimes called “Plan B”) usually opens with a list that reads something like: “Plan A: Married to 25, homeowner of 27, children out of 30.” But as the pace drops, a number of clips do also do all the amazing things that the creator has done with his life instead of beating the conventional benchmarks. The screen reads, “Plan B: Cool Aunt.” Set up surfing and red carpets and bungee jumps.

You do not need a real niece or nephew to qualify as a cool aunt at Tiktok – just a camera and a life liable. (And a well -equipped bank account never hurts.)

A Los Angeles College student agreed to the trend this yearShortly after her 21th birthday. Hershy (we have kept her last name for privacy reasons) tells Popsugar that her mother married 21 years and got Hershy to reflect on “what it means to be an adult and be the first woman in my family to have a choice when it comes to children and marriage.”

She says that her goal for herself has changed when she has grown up and gained more independence. “When I was younger, there was only a road that was presented to me in life: study hard, marry 26, have children and take care of my family,” she says PS via E -post. “As I got older, I realized that this road never really served me or the women before me. My dreams for myself are so much bigger and supported by generations of women before me who fought for me to have the opportunity to live life on my own terms.”

Kelsey KawamotoA 33-year-old Denver-based digital nomad and another cool aunt of Tiktok, says she has experienced a similar transformation in her way of thinking when she has grown older, after exceeding the ages she once thought she “had to meet some stereotypic” adult “checklist.”

“Creating this video made me feel proud of myself for all opportunities for” Plan B “that were possible in my life because I did not follow the traditional” plan a “schedule”, she says. “I feel at this age that my goals are unlimited counter when I was younger.”

Ten years ago, she says, she saw she live a more conventional life, as a married homeowner with children. But now the goal that is ranked most for her is to build her own wealth through a job that gives her flexibility in where and how she works. “I want to travel as much as possible and spend my free time doing the things that make me happiest.”

It is not to say that marriage and children are necessarily antithetic to find your happiness. But TEXTFewer straight women find suitable partners as the ideology guy is expanded between gender. And to raise children today comes with their own set of unique challenges, as a crumbling reproductive healthcare system and Unable childcare; Like navigating threats from weapons violence, climate change and AI; And as the still uneven burden of emotional work that mothers absorbs. A pervasive line in so many of the cool aunt films is the message as the choice to become a wife Or a parent should always be just that: a choice.

And in turn you can choose to become something completely different, especially with the money you save from not having to pay for a weddingThe pay for a mortgageor pay for childcare costs.

For example, Kawamoto sent her e -post response to me from the cruise ship she lives in the next few weeks and travels from Alaska to Japan. As a digital nomad, she spends the money she would otherwise have spent rent on travel expenses. “If I had the common responsibility that (coming) with being a parent full time, I do not think I could live the spontaneous and free life that I am currently,” she says.

However, Kawamoto is not just an aunt on Tiktok; She actually has two nephews in real life too, and she takes her role as caretaker for them very seriously: “I will know that I have achieved my assignment as a” cool aunt “when my nephew lives authentic and not just with what they think they should do because of social norms.”

Tictok has seen a smattering of ‘Cool uncles“Also – guys who publish their own versions of Plan A and Plan B format. But while independent, curiosity and a sense of adventure are promoted in most boys and men from an early age, women and queer people have had to fight for space to consider their own freedom before signing their lives in the lives of others.

Hershy, who hopes to build a career in dance, music, fashion or content creation after graduation, feels like she met her cool aunt milestones when she hosted her first Diwali Halloween party in her college apartment, and when she flew from LA to New York City alone to participate New York Fashion Week.

“Cool Aunt is an energy!” she explains. “Women are so often expected to fuck as they grow older and build their identity around motherhood and marriage, but getting older does not mean giving up your own self -esteem. Being a” cool aunt “simply means being a mature girl who lives her best life in her own terms.”

Emma Glassman-Hughes (She/her) is an associated editor at PS Balance. During her seven years as a reporter, her beats have extended over the lifestyle spectrum; She has covered art and culture for Boston Globe, sex and relationships for cosmopolitan and food, climate and agriculture for ambrook research.