Why I persecuted my actors as a single mother

My love for actors started at elementary school when a free program brought Gilbert & Sullivan Operettas to NYC Public Schools. I still remember that I went on stage for the first time, performed in front of a packed auditorium and heard the applause that turned into a standing ovation. It was for me – I caught the actor. Then I was connected! I performed in every paragraph, reasons or talent show that I could from elementary school to high school and high school, whether it was singing, actor or dance. Being on stage felt like home.

When I graduated, I started modeling, singing and working gigs in the fashion industry. During this period I met Dominican American director and producer, Ulysses Terrerowho was a casting director for his brother Jesse Terrero at that time. They threw me in some music videos when I was about 19 or 20. Little I knew that our roads would cross again many years later in completely different circumstances. My passion for performing was still alive at that time, but life took me in a different direction.

My love for dance came from my Colombian roots. When I grew up, I spent countless nights on the dance floor at family parties and danced to Joe Arroyo’s “No Le Pega a la Nera” before I was old enough to remember. Dance was an integral part of our culture and our gatherings – a way to celebrate life and keep in touch with our roots. It was second nature for me and something I have carried with me throughout my life.

But life was not easy. My family and I came to the United States as an immigrant, and we didn’t have much. I remember living in a small apartment, so many of us who shared everything we had. The early struggle taught me resilience and the value of hard work. They also clarified that chasing my dreams would be anything but simple.

Then life changed. I became a young mother, and with that came a whole new set of responsibility. I had to put away modeling, music or creative efforts. I started working with hospitality and juggling for long hours while trying to navigate motherhood. There were moments when I worked with double shifts almost every day. The cultural pressure to prioritize providing my children, above all else, including my dreams, were huge. I was told repeatedly that my life had to be about my children now, that there was no room for anything else. Mothers should be selfless and put everyone else’s best interest first. Everything else was free and irresponsible. And while I loved being a mother so much, it was suffocating to feel that my needs and dreams no longer mattered. As Latinas, we have grown up to cook, clean and take care of everyone except ourselves.

During these years I kept my connection to the art alive in small ways. I would dance in the living room with my daughters or sing along to our favorite songs. But the fire inside me never went out completely. I just didn’t know how to reintroduce it. Then, pandemic here, and like many others I was at a crossroads. I lost my job, and as the only supplier for my household, fear in. How would I feed my family? How would I stay afloat? It was a time of anxiety and uncertainty, but it also gave me something I had not had in several years: silence. Without noise or distractions, I began to hear my inner voice again – the one I had silenced for so long to meet the expectations of others.

That voice led me back to my dreams. During Lockdown (while I struggled not to slip into a deep depression), I began to think seriously to continue acting again. Since 2021, when the world slowly began to open up, I encountered Ulysses Terrero at the Verzuz team at Jadakiss and Dipset at Madison Square Garden. I hadn’t seen him for years, but something told me to share what was on my heart. I told him that I had been thinking about coming back to acting, and he informed me that he taught a remote actress course that would start on the coming Monday. I paused; It immediately felt like one of these synchronities – some may call it a coincidence, but I don’t believe them. It was another nudge from the universe and told me I was on the right track. I followed up and, days later, was on the zoom.

That class was the first step back to the industry for me. From there I started networking, re -connection with people and audition again. I took more actress courses, got more experience with different sets and got my SA Sag card in a year! Since I started acting full time to become a fairytale in a year, it just confirmed to me that I went for my purpose. I have worked with the sets “Power: Ghost”, “Wu-Tang: An American Saga”, “Harlem”, “Gossip Girl”, “and just like that”, “Anora”, “Babygirl,” and “Raising Kanan, “Just to name a few. I danced salsa in Spike Lee’s unreleased movie. I have even worked with an advertising with Timothée Chalamet, directed by Martin Scorsese. I’m still in full shock even when I write this. I worked with incredible actors like Tracey Moore and showed up on “Inside The Black Box” with Joe Morton. Being on that show was like a master class in spectacle, surrounded by top black and brown actors, casting directors and industry people. I learned the skills and techniques I needed, but keeping me motivated was up to me. I had to wake up every day and put in the work, all while I was a current mother for my children.

Some days were easier than others. There were moments of mom’s guilt when I felt that I was extending for thin-rush from auditions to football methods, remember pajamas day at school or rushed to pick them up on half days. Not having a stable paycheck and supporting a family was also not easy. But I had no choice – I had to stay afloat at all costs. I couldn’t reject any job I booked and found a way to get the money to stretch. VAT is superheroes when budgeting. My schedule is not a typical, and some days I get no sleep from actors to auditions, sets and school pickups. Then I have to go home and study more scripts. But I also knew that I made an example for my young, tangible girls. They needed to meet a mother who did not stop reaching new heights just because she was a single mother. They needed to witness me to take back my power and take control of my life. They needed to see that it is possible to persecute your passions while taking care of your family.

The opportunities started to get on my way as I continued to emerge, put in work and be referred from casting offices. Booking a Super Bowl advertising 2023 was one of my most surreal moments. During the Zoom audition, they asked me what I do for fun when I am not acting. I told them to take my daughters to the roof of our building with a Bluetooth speaker, play salsa music and teach them simple choreography. It was my way of introducing my Colombian culture into them while I was having fun. Cricket Wireless ended by integrating the exact scene into the treatment for advertising. When I got the conversation that we booked it, I could not contain my joy. It felt like a full circle moment, a confirmation that I was on the right track. I celebrated watching it with my friends at a Super Bowl 2024 party, and Cricket Wireless used the pictures of us who celebrated to make a video for their social media.

When I booked the advertising in 2023 I was not aware that it would Air under the super bowl 2024, and it was probably the best. I can’t imagine the pressure I would have known during that audition I had known. But I got the conversation months later that it would be broadcast in Spanish under the Super Bowl and could not believe was my leap of faith had taken me! The commercial was broadcast under the Super Bowl, and I was proud to represent an Afro-Llatina family. It was not the typical light-skinned, novela-nice Latinas that we often see in the media. It was a real Latin family with all our shades, curly structures and traditions. Representation is important, and being part of that moment meant everything to me.

When I look back, I see how every step on the trip has prepared me for this moment. From performing in the elementary school’s plays to dance at family parties to meeting the challenges with individual motherhood, every experience has shaped me into the person I am today. I still navigate this way, but I know I’m meant to be here. I am an artist, a creative and I do this for myself and my children. They look at me, and I want them to see a mother who did not sound fear, lack or social expectations prevent her from chasing her dreams.

If there is a message, I want other Latina mums to remove from my story – or all moms for that matter – this is this: Don’t let any fog your light. It’s never too late. You do not need to come from privilege, have connections or get permission from someone to strive for your goals. Your dreams may seem upsetting or scary to the people around you, but they are yours for a reason. Take the leap of faith, put in work and trust that God will lead you through. The road will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Dreams save us, lift us and transform us. Don’t let them die with you – regardless of your age, because when you show up for your dreams, the universe will also appear for you.

Angie Palacios IS is an actress, model, writer and dancer from Barranquilla, Colombia, based in NYC. She has appeared in many commercials, movies and television programs, including “Saturday night live.” Angie draws on her journey as Afrolatina artist and cultural advocates to create essays that reason with authenticity, depth and humor.