So you met the love of your life, and now you want to celebrate the relationship with a symbol as eternal as your love for each other. No, we’re not talking about an engagement ring. We are talking about a couple’s tattoo.
Similar to what is often called a “tramp stamp“, until recently, the couple’s tattoo has been stigmatized as creepy at best, and risky at worst. Much of the skepticism stems from its duration and public examples of tattoo regrets (think: Johnny Depp’s infamous Winona cover). Ironically, the thought of getting married can feel more reversible.
Still with over 750 million views around the semester on TikTokit seems more people are getting tattoos with their significant others — just watch Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck and Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra. So why is the couple’s tattoo becoming popular again?
The rise of social media and its expectation to share personal milestones can be a major driver. “Couples may feel a need or desire to publicly display their commitment and love history, leading to an increase in tattoos as a visible, permanent symbol,” the psychologist Raphael AntoninusPsyD, says. “Aside from the general societal destigmatization of tattoos, this may contribute to their growing popularity among couples.”
On the other hand, a couple’s tattoo can be a way to break away from social norms and traditions. “This trend reflects a growing desire for non-traditional expressions of commitment,” says divorce lawyer Laura water. “The driving factor is the search for more personal and unique ways to symbolize relationships, beyond conventional methods such as wedding rings.”
PS talked to experts to better understand what kind of couples are more likely to get one and what that means for your relationship.
Experts featured in this article
Laura water is a family expert and divorce attorney to the stars, including celebrities like Kim Kardashian.
Raphael AntoninusPsyD, is a counseling psychologist.
Dan Zie is CEO of Sunmood Divorce Consultancy.
Kalley Hartman is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Newport Beach, CA.
Why do some couples get matching tattoos?
There are many reasons to want one the couple’s tattoo with your partner, from symbolizing commitment to sharing a meaningful experience. It was harmless fun for Casey Ryan and her husband during their honeymoon in Italy last year. They each chose a different paste shape for the inside of the elbow, on opposite arms, so when they hold hands, the ink lines up.
“It was spontaneous, cheesy, fun, kind of exciting as a leap of faith because it’s so early in our marriage,” she says. “Even if we don’t stay together for life, I think it will be a beautiful time in our relationship to look back on and remember.”
In an informal survey on social media, most people who signed in with couple tattoos said they only did it when they were already married — almost an extension of their commitment to each other. Ryan admits she was firmly in the anti-couple tattoo camp before marriage.
Paulina Jayne Isaac tattooed a line from her husband’s vows. “I love tattoos,” she says when asked what drew her to the idea. “They represent a certain feeling to me and mark a time in my life.” The promise was her sixth tattoo. “It’s a wonderful reminder every time I see it and is a symbol of our commitment to each other. I like how my tattoos tell a story.”
For others, it’s less about the commitment of marriage and more about the tattoo itself. Quinn is polyamorous and wants to get couple tattoos with two of their partners. For them, it’s less about symbolizing commitment and more about sharing a fun, niche reference to their relationships. “It’s just cute, and I know we’re going to be in each other’s lives, so it feels safe to get that.”
The motives behind a couple choosing to get a matching tattoo can reveal their relationship dynamics. “On a healthy spectrum, couples who share a passion for tattoos can view it as an exciting shared experience, a bonding activity that further strengthens their connection and commitment,” says Dr. Antoninus. “This can symbolize an equal partnership where both individuals share the same values and interests.”
With the on-again, off-again nature of their relationship, Lopez and Affleck are a good example of a couple who would want a symbol of permanence. Spotted: The singer captioned the Instagram reveal of their couple’s tattoo with “#CommitmentIsSexy.”
But in some cases the decision can be anchored insecure attachment stylessays Dr. Antoninus. If a couple is on rocky ground, it can be tempting to make a grand gesture in the hopes that it will save the relationship, like a home renovation or vow renewal.
“One partner may urge the other to get a matching tattoo as a way of controlling or asserting possession, a reflection of their fear of abandonment or betrayal,” he says. “While it may seem romantic on the surface, it is important to identify and address these potentially harmful dynamics.”
The story of the couple’s tattoo
Some divorce attorneys may feel too cynical to support a couple’s tattoo, but Dan Zie, CEO of Sunmood Divorce Consultancygives a different perspective. “Tattoos have been part of Chinese culture for centuries, and couples getting tattoos were sometimes used to show love, commitment and loyalty between two people,” he says.
The earliest example is the Han Dynasty (206 BC – 220 AD). “During this time period, it was common for couples to get matching yin-yang symbols on their skin,” says Zie. The symbol represents the balance between male and female energies in relationships then. “And later during the Tang Dynasty (AD 618 – 907), couples were often given matching Buddhist symbols such as lotus flowers or wheels of Dh to represent their connection to each other spiritually and physically.”
Tattoo customs have changed a lot since then. In recent decades, tattoos have gone from taboo counterculture to becoming more normalized. Some couples are just the type to get matching tattoos, and it doesn’t require as much significance as people once thought.
Now there are many variations of the “couple’s tattoo”, from matching inks to pieces inspired by each other. For example, Alli Tooms-Joner got one Nightmare Before Christmas tattoo inspired by her husband. “In 2020, we got married on Halloween, and we pretty much celebrate it year-round,” she says. “For our first anniversary, when I started my sleeve, I knew I wanted an NBC tattoo, so when I got this one, it was with him in mind.”
A couple’s tattoo doesn’t even have to symbolize eternal love. In her memoir “Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail,” Cheryl Strayed wrote that she got a matching tattoo with her husband just before they finalized their divorce to represent the mark they left on each other. Each tattoo is unique to the couple.
Is it ever a good idea to get a couple’s tattoo?
The short answer: every couple knows what is best for their relationship. But Dr. Antonino suggests taking a hit to understand your motives. “If you’re looking for a tattoo to quell insecurities or fears of abandonment, it may be more beneficial to address these issues directly with your partner or a therapist.” Because getting tattooed together of course has potential consequences.
“Relationships may not always last forever, and a tattoo is a permanent reminder of a past relationship,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Kalley Hartman. “This can be especially difficult if the couple breaks up or feelings change over time.” So before getting a couples tattoo, individuals should consider the duration of the decision as removal can be painful and expensive.
Would you still be happy with the tattoo if the relationship doesn’t work out? Kelsa Blaine got an anchor tattoo on her ring finger as a symbol of how her husband grounded her. A little over a year later, they divorced. “I feel like it’s still a good reminder to myself to stay grounded.” She plans to turn the tattoo into a mountain or a tree if she ever remarries.
Ultimately, it’s important to think the decision through first. “Tattoos are more permanent than even marriage,” says Tooms-Joner. “My husband is still my best friend and the best thing that ever happened to me. But life happens, and you never know what the future holds. Even if something happens, this tattoo will be a representation of my life and love I have now.”
Melanie Whyte was a contributing staff writer for PS. Based in NYC, she writes about LGBTQ identity, sex and relationships, pop culture, mental health, and home improvement. Her work has been featured by Refinery29, Real Simple, Apartment Therapy, Southern Living, Coveteur, NPR and more.
