At 23 years old, Mackenzie Jaquish Moved into a spacious Seattle apartment with his long -term boyfriend. “We dreamed about the future and planned for the next 20 years of our lives together,” she says. One night when she made dishes in her new home discovered Jaquish Relationship podcast “Call her dad”, host by Alex Cooper.
Jaquish was dazzled by Cooper’s stories about her only life in New York. “I lived Vicariously through her,” she says. “I remember telling this story of taking the C train up to this clinic to be tested for Chlamydia. At that time I thought:” It’s funny, what another life. ”
The more she is soaked in the comic (and sometimes raw) gospel of Cooper and the then Cohost Sofia Franklyn, the more she began to question whether her partner was “it.”
The section that changed everything was the title ‘Why they will not make you“And it posted different answers to that particular question.” It opened my eyes to the fact that something was wrong in my relationship, “she tells PS.” After that section, every step I brought with the awareness that there is no world where I end the 20th century with this person. I needed to come out. ”
So she did. Now the 28-year-old comedian lives a life reminiscent of the one she heard at Cooper’s Show. “I am single, live in New York, and yes, I have taken the C train to be tested for Chlamydia,” laughs Jaquish and added: “For the record I was negative.”
Experts displayed in this article
Moraya Seeger DegeareMa, LMFT, is a relationship expert, partner therapist and co-founder of BFF therapy.
Corey YeagerPHD, LMFT, is a psychotherapist and relationship expert.
How Podcast hosts became our collective relationship therapists
In their own words, “a random blonde girl with a podcast” changed the course in Jaquish’s life – and she is not alone. Podcasts that hide advice on relationship are top charts and sometimes change lives.
The first relationship podcast I ever listened to was “u up?”, Hosted by comedians Jared Freid and Jordana Abraham-Marinelli. The initial format of the podcast consisted of the hosts who responded to emails from love-sack listeners. It started in 2017, and the market for that type of advice has only expanded since then.
Cooper’s podcast broke record when she Landed a Spotify deal of $ 60 million. She later launched her own Unwell network, and more recently, in January 2025, announced Cooper two new channels and a series of Daily Live show at Siriusxm. The “Vial -files” with the former bachelor Nick Vial has exceeded 250 million downloads, according to a rope, and Vulture have described it as “” Meet the Press “for reality TV.”
Views such as “couples therapy” and “We have gay sex” act as shiny solutions to problems such as the loneliness epidemic and Permissions of dating apps. The formats vary, but things in the heart are always the essence. For many, these hosts have become close to parasocial trust and trusted advice.
Still, none of these people are licensed therapists or have robust psychology backgrounds. So, how did they get so trusted? And what happens when we take their advice instead of a therapist?
This issue has tormented partner therapist Moraya Seeger Degeare, Ma, LMFT, for a while now. She has studied science and psychology in relationships for several years, but reality stars and comedians are out here and spit bells and gets a click on clicks. But honestly she gets it. “These people who are not licensed, they can share their life experiences and guidance, but they can also act as a hot touch in a way that a so -called” expert “would not normally present themselves,” says Degeare. In essence, they can talk about their own mistakes without losing credibility. This helps listeners feel “less shame,” she says.
If you feel that someone is in the relationship’s ditch with you, it gives you permission to take a closer look at your own struggles. “If a therapist gives you the same advice – even if they say” I’ve been there too ” – it may feel like they are these perfect creatures that come down to us humans,” says Degere. But with a non-professional, the same type of feeling feels more natural.
“Vulnerability sparks vulnerability,” Freid tells PS. “U up?” Cohost says to combine personal experience with empathy is how you build trust. “Knowing that you are not alone is valuable; I let people know that I have had experience that I wish I handled differently,” he adds. “Every letter I get I can understand why they go through what they go through, because I go through those things too.”
So often, when people make perceived mistakes in dating, shame can exceed liability or introspection. But when someone they trust has made the same mistake, it mitigates and gives permission to judge the situation – and that is when real change can happen, says Degere.
Jaquish agrees that this referability is a gaming exchange. “Every therapist I have ever had, I’ve never been able to say,” Oh, you fall apart in the same way I am, “says Jaquish.” While Alex Cooper is constantly falling apart. She always fails and tries new things in public. ”
Cooper’s story about being tested for Chlamydia normalized the experience for Jaquish. Similarly, when she heard Cooper open up to avoid sex with a long -term partnerIt lets her know that it was ok to unpack her own feelings on the subject and in turn open to others about it too. “If she can say it on a podcast where millions of people listen to her, I can definitely talk about it with my best friend,” says Jaquish.
When advice meets entertainment
Another reason why these podcast hosts eclose experts? They are entertaining.
The performances have a brain-Candy effect that even has experienced Degeare. “I love Esther Perels Podcast and she gives such good advice – but I listen to some episodes and I’m good,” she says. “It doesn’t have the same feeling as a Netflix -binge.”
The performances sometimes share deep wisdom, but through the lens of comedy and pop cultural references – a concept that is not new, but is effective. Freid notes that humor is a good vehicle for sharing messages that people may not want to hear. But artistry is required to land punchline. It is easy to get off as diminishing or sexist, especially if you do not take the person seeking advisory advice seriously.
“You have to lead with respect and know that someone is writing to you with a very real problem that happens in their lives,” says Freid. When confidence has been established, however, listeners can “start having fun with a topic that has not been fun for them before,” Freid adds.
It is a difficult balance to beat, especially when you record several sections a week in a competitive market, and it is a fair appreciation to make all these podcast hosts miss the mark at one point or another. Although you can get entertainment and maybe even information from these podcasts, there are restrictions.
The disadvantages
Podcast advice is designed with wide audience in mind, which is good – but it may never feel like a perfect fit.
“These pop versions of relationship advice remind me in some ways by a horoscope,” says relationship expert Corey Yeager, PHD, LMFT. “If I am worried about a problem I have with my partner, and you give me generalized advice, it is not always a bad thing. If you see your fight represented, you can tune in deeper and think: ‘That’s exactly what I needed hear. ‘There is a level of confirmation. ”
It can work well for regular makeups and divisions, but if you have a more complex problem in your relationship – as you are Fighting with anxiety Or you are with someone who is emotionally or physical abuse – “you may need a deeper, more professionalized version of understanding,” says Dr. Yeager.
Of course, you do not always have to take your clues from a professional, but Dr. Yeager says: “Every time there are psychological problems that bloom related to your relationship, you may want to pause.”
Similarly, a professional may be more equipped to completely contextualize all the struggle you may be facing, as they have done their homework in a way that most podcasters do not. Intuition and life experience can only take you so far, and the felt statements simply cannot speak to all experiences. Many of these conditions podcasters are medium-to-the-oven class and white, so their world view-and therefore their wisdom’s range may be limited.
“How you Form appendices Is so dependent on the culture you grew up with, “says Degeare.” Having a white man, even if it is a well -educated white man, gives you advice when you are not a white man? What can be missed is this underlying anxiety, loneliness and lack of belonging that are mixed into relationships between people who are not white. When I help a client who is a black woman, I not only give the general advisory advice, I validate how they have navigated rejection from spaces – not even romantic rejection, but just being “another.”
Dr. Yeager a “both/and” approach with these shows, which has the privilege of being easily accessible. You may hear some advice that is not half bad (at least it will be more nuanced than most you find on Former Tiktok), but he recommends that you are clear about “where you stand and what your fighters are, and when you may need an extra layer of understanding from a professional.”
Help is help. . . Right?
All of these podcasters will give intermittent reminders of their podcast that they are “not experts”, and it may be easy to brush past the disclaimers, but they are there for a reason.
Freid says there have been listeners who have entered “U up?” With dating stories that feel more serious, deal with issues of mental health or abuse. “When we get an e -mail message that is over our grade, so to speak, what seems to happen: they felt more comfortable sending a faceless e -mail to a random podcast host than talking to his friends,” he says . “We always try to tell them: ‘Don’t keep this secret. Tell your friends and family. You have to see their concern.’ They avoid seeing it when they write to us. ”
Freid says that the podcast’s team has followed up earlier with these mailers to check in and suggest that they are looking for support from a professional. He says he can only hope to hear it from relative strangers is the pressure they needed to seek help.
As I said, there have been success stories. “My goal was always to talk about dating and make people laugh,” says Freid. “We have been sent wedding invitations, and I have got people to come to me who have said:” You are the reason why I am with this person here. “It’s the cherry on top for me.”
You should not expect a podcast host to solve your problems, but they can ultimately give you the nudge you need. Jaquish credits Cooper to change the direction of her life, all thanks to the section that stimulated her division. “She needed to open the door so I could get out of it,” she says. “If I had stayed in my previous relationship, right now, I would definitely be married to a child on the way to that guy … I would never have left if she did not show me that the road was possible.”
At this point, for better or worse, Jaquish says she feels more linked to Cooper than any mental health staff. “Every therapist I’ve ever had has said something in line with” This is just another tool in your toolbox. “As, what does it mean, Karen?” She says. “I have no fucking toolbox.” But she has headphones.
