It was only my second time with Paul* when he asked me what I wanted him to do to me in bed. Immediately I froze. Paul knew I wanted to Explore my submissive sideThe one I had imagined was there but had not yet discovered, so he had my greatest confidence and consent. I just had no idea to record in his dominance would involve a crash course in Dirty Talk as well.
“I want you inside me,” I said.
“Do you?” he asked. “How bad do you want me inside you? Tell me.”
“Really bad,” I replied.
“I want details,” he said. “Tell me how to touch your pussy.”
“As, how you want,” I whispered and followed up, “Can’t you say that word, please?”
“What word? Pussy?” he asked.
“Yes, it,” I said.
As long as I could remember was “pussy” among a handful of words that I had a reluctance. There was something about the “USSY” sound that also made “Wussy” and “Hussy” almost unbearable. It had nothing to do with the body part and everything to do with how “S” slid off my tongue. It was right up there with “moist” and “panties” or, even worse, “moist panties.” I simply couldn’t make myself hear it, let alone say that.
“You have a pussy,” he said as he slid his fingers inside me. “Tell me now how I touch it.”
Eventually, Talking Dirty became less and less difficult, and it started to be something I really liked.
None of the guys I had been with before Paul had ever communicated with me like this. I felt vulnerable, and which I had no idea where to start.
“I like where your fingers are, but maybe a little deeper,” I said.
“Where are my fingers?” he replied. “You can say this, just scream it for fun!”
I paused. I reminded myself that it was just a word. “Pussy,” I said quietly. “I want to feel my fingers in me and then the mouth of my pussy.” And even though it was not exactly a breakthrough moment, it was really a step towards feeling more comfortable talking dirty to a partner. (It also came with some epic sex afterwards too.)
During the months I dated Paul, he pulled from me pieces and implanted thoughts that had never crossed my mind. For him, whose second language was English, it was fun to play with the dirty words in my first language, words that I struggled to say because of my own problems and special sensitivity to specific sounds. It was definitely a process with many baby steps, but I went from being able to say words like “pussy” and “cock” on my own to use them in complete sense. This ability made me feel more confident in the bedroom.
In the safe space that Paul provided, one who was free from assessment and shame, Talking Dirty became less and less difficult, and it started to become something I really liked. Paul helped me not only talk dirty, but to use my desires, embrace them and then be completely open about them no matter how vulnerable it made me feel at the moment. When I look back, it seems like he knew my ability to talk dirty was always there, but it only needed a few big discoveries to release it. And let’s just say he was more than willing to help me find my words.
Long after my relationship with Paul dissolved, I continued to practice what he taught me with other men. I was unapologetically sincere with my words during sex, and in most cases the men I was with as voice as I was. When I could take advantage of my ability to talk dirty in bed I never looked back.
Now dirty conversation as an integral part of my sex life, and it has almost become a Type of kink or fetish I have to orgasm. Not only have i included it during foreplay and off Sexting a partner Some rather graphic sexual scenarios before i see them, but i also think i speak dirty when i am masturbating.
Touching and physical sensations is important for my sex life, but dirty talk has made my orgasms feel more complete. And now I’m a better lover because I know how to communicate exactly what I want.
*Name has been changed
Amanda Chatel Is a PS contributor with sexual health, mental health and wellness focus.
